So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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