i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
