We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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