she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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