benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
