ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
