I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
