So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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