I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
