every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
