This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
