just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
