Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
