i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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