Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
