Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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