I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
