whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
