So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
