you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
