I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
