I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
