I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
