is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
