Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
