What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I think my vagina is haunted
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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