If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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