Sponge bath it is.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
