Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
