she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
