3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
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