i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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