I heard we made out
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
