exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
