So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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