Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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