Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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