i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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