in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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