I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
