Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
