Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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