Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
