I think im going to throw up on grandma
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
