Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
