Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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