It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
