She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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