I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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