That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
